Close the windows, draw the shades, and lock the doors.
The darkness finds me every once in awhile
With out warning it appears and it stays for days
Reactions to it vary and I am never certain what it will bring
This time paranoia, last time sadness, next time madness
Rage is a constant friend I keep in check , limiting the time we spend
My shadow is a different version of me
Smiling wickedly so only I can see
Thoughts go racing through my head...
if I go faster I might stop them before they become words
Plant my feet so they do not become actions
When will she leave this other me
Go away I command go away
I am in control I am

The season must be changing winds coming in from the west
Spouting irratically can you pass another test
There is a battle inside my head
Lots of wounds but no one's dead
I shake and I tremor as I pace the floors
Praying no one sane comes through the door
Sybil was clueless but she's not me
I am full aware of the war raging over who I will be!!

I'm sick but I'm pretty!!!!! Have a great night!! Kwick

FRIDAY FUN FACTS
1. I lose EVERYTHING! Debit cards, Credit cards, discount cards, driver's license, house keys, car keys, wallet, and my day planner!
2.I have lost my driver's license so many times that I have the number memorized!!
3.I have spent most of this week organizing so I could find stuff and maybe not lose things so often.
4. Today I found a credit card that I had lost and canceled. I recieved the replacement in the mail yesterday
5. I found the card while I was looking for the keys I still can't find today!

Have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend! Now I am off to look for my key!!!!

Much love,
Kwick

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OK so no I haven't gone all preschool on you!! But I did just realize today that Blue's Clues was launched in September 1996 the same month and year that my baby girl was born!!! She spent countless hours in front of the television figuring out Blue's Clues. Baby boy spent many more in the same position. It inspired little notebooks in special drawers and many many hours of making notes about clues. I was amazed at all the time spent in the little foam red "thinking chair" even when the television was off!! Of course the little ditty did get annoying. But today I realized as I was watching the special just to see why Steve really left...he was balding by the way and didn't want to do that on public television...that it has been 10 years. Now I know how old my daughter is and did some time ago get the announcement from her that she would be getting double digits this year. But it didn't hit home until tonight I guess. 10 ... my baby girl will be 10! Now when you think about children 10 isn't really that old. But when I consider that I have been a mom for 10 whole years (well in September) I have had lots of time to make loads of mistakes!!!! It makes me kind of sad. This year we are having a couple of monumental mile markers. Baby girl will turn 10. Baby boy will start Kindergarten. Those mommy tears are just leaking!!!!! Some days I think just crawl by! Much like when I was a kid in the middle of no where just waiting for school to be back in session!! But really time just flies by faster and faster. I asked baby girl today as we were marking school supplies with initials..."Can you believe our baby boy is going to all day kindergarten in a few weeks?" She was like no it seems like just yesterday he was all sweet and smelled nice and now he is a creepy little gerk!!! Well it was a nice mother daughter moment anyway! She has hit the whole tween or adolescence will full force in the last year!!! We have had conversations from periods to lesbians to girls maturing faster than boys and what exactly does maturing mean. And these all take place on weekly and weekend visits. I think while she is at her dads she spends most of her time thinking of the next topic to bring up and make her mama sweat!!!
Today her dad called me and asked me to tell her that Jesus wasn't gay when he was a boy She was explaining to him that her Aunt was a lesbian but it was ok because Jesus liked a boy when he was little I was cracking up!!!! I told her that to my knowledge Jesus never had any romantic relationships. Then I asked her dad what we were gonna do if she ever decided to watch Davincci Code...he said we would deal with that when the time came he had had enough for today!! I was like give it to him baby help him realize why I am the mama!!!! I never really let her know how much she shocks me sometimes because I am so grateful she isn't afraid to say anything to me!!! And on another note can I just say that I thought it was sooo totally awesome that her know it all dad had to call on me to get something through to her!!!!! It just felt great to have him be in a position to need my help!!!! Although I don't wish the discomfort on her I am just waiting for her to get her first period...it may be the thing that sends her straight back home!!! Anyway how did I get here. Oh yes the last 10 years have been full and up and down and up again for this family. But we still get at least a weekly dose of Blue's Clues round here. How many times have you figured out Blue's Clues??? And if you know nothing else just know that "You can do anything that you wanna do!"
Much love!!!
Kwick

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
>man
> has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own
>hands!
>
> This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in
>the
> wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
>
> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
>
> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
>
> ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
>
> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
>
> SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
>
> ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
>
> SAFER: What did I do wrong?
>
> SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
>
> ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
>
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
>
> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
>
> ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
>
> SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
>
> SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
>
> ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
>
>
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
>
>
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
>
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
>
> 5. People Make me Sick
>
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
>
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
>
> 8. Pimples May Surface
>
> 9. Pass My Sweatpants
>
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
>
> 12. Pack My Stuff
>
>
>
> .........And my favorite one...
>
>
>
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
I have eternal PMS these days!!! It is starting to get on my nerves but not as much as it gets on everyone elses nerves I am sure!! So getting this email from Daddy it was annoyingly appropriate! Have a great day all and please send chocolate!!!
Kwick

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul. You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have. Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone. You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

Well yes mostly and now I have to go and hide because you all know!! Just kidding but isn't it funny how our inner child and our grown up self can be quite different and quite the same? So how is your inner child?

Your EQ is 93

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Well I am impressed!! At least I am average! How is your EQ?
Have fun !!
Much love, Kwick